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Le Struggle

Insert church finger here > Sooo sorry guys, it’s been a minute since I’ve posted but I hope you’ve all been well and enjoying the part time summer we’ve been experiencing lately.

To be honest it’s been a struggle to get myself to sit and just write so I’m happy that I’ve finally managed to make it happen hence why this post is entitled Le Struggle.

How many days have I shouted at myself in my mind to be proactive, write that post, call that person, schedule that appointment, spend that quality time with God and I have to say most days it’s a struggle. I always end up on Youtube (watching christmas movies in May), sleeping or finding something else to distract me from doing what I need to do. But why is that you ask? Well, most days I know the answers and it’s just fear, plain and simple (insert S Club 7 song) fear of failure, doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, being rejected all of that good stuff.

As I ponder on the many reasons why I shouldn’t do, say or write in this case I remember that God has not given me the spirit of fear but of POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND!! Sometimes I really have to be reminded and give myself a good talking too because guess what the struggle is real. I have to remind myself that if I don’t do what God has placed in me to do then that would be a wasted life and that I’m not in competition with ANYONE, my lane is free and clear I just need to run in it. There are so many things geared at trying to convince us we can’t do something we need to CLING to that which is good i.e. the word of God speaking life into us.

So, this is a short post but a much needed one just to put something out there and not let the negative thoughts of failure and not being good enough over rule my desire to try and put my best foot forward one step at a time and hopefully encouraging someone else to do the same.

2 Timothy 1:7 New Living Translation
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Build a Bear

Let’s build the perfect man.

In the theme of the month, I thought it would be fun to build the perfect man. Yes, yes let’s start.

He has to be tall, muscular, fresh hair cuts on a regular, high paying job so he can treat us to shopping trips (yes plural) and this one’s the major key, he has to be a man of God, lead by faith and not by sight as the good book says, oh and be able to offer emotional support, a great listener, kind, considerate, you know the basics and make me laugh (crucial).

Sounding good so far ladies? I hope that’s a yes, because if indeed such a man did exist and he was mine I’d be a very happy lady and I can tell you that for free. But just a quick question, if such a perfect specimen did exist, what is it that you will be bringing to the table? Are you at the gym 3/4 days a week, staying at your hair dresser just to make sure your hair stays laid, hustling to climb the career ladder and get the schmoney to treat him to a shopping trip or some (yes plural) dope trainers? In addition, let us not forget the major key, are you a woman of God, lead by faith and not sight? If that’s you then I hope you and your Morris are very happy together however, if this isn’t you then sorry to burst your bubble ladies.

If like myself you think about the gym more than you visit it and the rest, well you’re still waiting on all that to come together, welcome to the club.

The reason I bring this up is simply because I believe that at times we as females place unrealistic expectations on men and warrant that they tick all the above boxes before even entertaining a conversation with a potential suitor, or we get caught up talking with our female friends and end up following wrong advice in regards to the opposite sex when we ourselves don’t meet the criteria we’ve so meticulously laid out. Listen, by no means am I saying that you shouldn’t have high standards but can we be realistic, or at least strive to be the type of person we want to meet, so when and if we do meet them we won’t be looking for what we already posses within ourselves, a healthy, spirit led, ambitious, caring and overall well rounded person.

‘The wisest thing you can do is be the fullest, happiest version of you. And that means some consistent, unabashed self-lovin’. It will also inspire others to treat themselves better too.’ Susie Moore

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Can We Talk?

Yes, I know we’ve barely settled into 2018 and it’s already time to have a talk but, I have to be honest…I feel threatened.

Threaten – Cause someone or something to be vulnerable or at risk

So, like I said I feel threatened, vulnerable, at risk even of being exposed, it’s so bright and shiny and big and all consuming, I think anyone would be.

She’s chasing her dreams, making it happen and it looks so much like what I want to do but have been too afraid to step into, so now when I do it everyone is going to think I copied her omg! Why does she have to be so great!

I think we’ve all felt a version of this at one point or another (maybe not as polite or politically correct as I’ve phrased it lol), feelings of insignificance or insecurity, seeing someone else shining doing what they know they were born to do, which so happens to be in the same area we are feeling led to go into. “How can I compete with her? She’s already got a 100k followers and I’m still here struggling to make my page look aesthetically pleasing like she does” or “She’s written like 5 songs in a week and I’m still here trying to string together a sentence!!” ORRRR “Why did he choose her I mean I’m cute too!”

How did I get here? and why do I feel this negatively about my fellow sister succeeding? I propose that it is an issue of comparison stealing your joy in what should (scratch that) in what is a happy moment, all because of that small voice inside that says “I should have done it first!”, “I would have done it differently” Well guess what you didn’t, so stop your hating and be happy for her, don’t you see her doing it up BIG, shining and slaying at the same time, be happy for her damn it! And back to that man envy statement I mention earlier we need to stop that too but happy for them that they’re both gonna shine together and make some shiny babies COME ON!!! We all need to check ourselves from time to time.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the negative that we don’t take time to uplift, celebrate and encourage each other as females. Just because she’s started her own business or gotten into a relationship doesn’t then discount you or me from entering the race, if anything she’s opened the door a little wider for us and she also showing us it’s possible to find a good man. I say this to say it’s all about perspective, choose to be the sister that puts a spotlight on the sun rather than trying to put it out.

Deep down a part of me was comfortable when we were both on the same level so to see you step out and do what I so badly want to do was a blow to my self esteem. I want us all to be big and bright and shiny together, striving to tap into that God given thing placed inside all of us to be able impact this world. I’m excited for you and this new chapter in your lives. Here’s to shiny ventures and new loves.

“Peter must have thought, “Who am I compared to Mr. Faithfulness (John)?” But Jesus clarified the issue. John was responsible for John. Peter was responsible for Peter. And each had only one command to heed: “Follow Me.” (John 21:20-22)”
― Charles R. Swindoll

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

2018! You looking good girl!! YASS!!!

Okay some maybe this post is a tiny bit late but I know you guys won’t mind.

WELCOME TO 2018 EVERYONE! Lol there I’ve said it.

So, I honestly feel like 2018 has so much in store for us, so many idea from 2017 that need to get some legs this year, so many relationship that need to come to an end or go to the next level this year ( whichever one just came to mind is definitely the one you need to be addressing as soon as possible) and so many opportunities we need to utilise.

This is just the beginning of the year, I can’t wait to see what we all accomplish this year.

Get it get it, hey hey.

“Most times, the way isn’t clear, but you want to start anyway. It is in starting with the first step that other steps become clearer.”
― Israelmore AyivorLeaders’ Frontpage: Leadership Insights from 21 Martin Luther King Jr. Thoughts

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

I’m just being honest.

Hi everybody, well I don’t even know if anyone reads this apart from my sister but hi anyway. So thus far, with this blog I’ve shared thoughts that have helped me to see myself and certain situations in a better light, giving examples from time to time hoping that by sharing this new insight I have received it will allow us to grow together.

So in the spirit of being honest it’s been pretty rough of late mentally, trying to get myself to a place where I’m focusing my energy inwardly, in an attempt to make myself better. For 5 years or maybe even longer now I think about it, I’ve been so consumed with trying to find my husband trying to mould self to fit certain guys or come off a certain way to get their attention when in reality if they wanted to spend time with you, talk to you, just get to know you in general believe me they’d make it happen. It’s only now that I’ve come to a place where I value myself enough to say enough is enough and to gather my emotional bag, shake everything out and get to sorting through some of the extra baggage I’ve collected over the years such as regret, low self esteem, fear of rejection etc.

I’m grateful to God for allowing me to get to this point in my life where I can make these changes whilst I’m young, learn to let go of past/present hurt and really live my life to make him happy and that in turn will ultimately make me happy.

I could go on but if you’re reading this and you’ve experienced similar feelings and just can’t seem to let go here’s a few thoughts that have allowed me to finally being to wake up to myself and learn to live and love the life that I have right now.

  1. What or whom are you holding onto? Are they worth the hurt and damage you’re doing to yourself internally/emotionally?
  2. By holding onto something too tight you end up hurting yourself and the person. What or who is in your hands?
  3. What value do they add to your life? Write a list and see how far you get with it.
  4. What if you invested the same time you do in him/her in yourself? What would you do with that time?
  5. What is God saying about your current situationship?
  6. Are you compromising yourself by allowing this person/thing into your mental and emotional space.

Just a few things to think about as we’re at roughly the half way mark in the year. It’s not too late to put yourself first. Trust me, I know it’s super hard to let go of someone/something you believe could benefit you in the long run, but when you do after a while (I’ll be honest you don’t feel so good right away) you will start to see things more clearly.

I believe that when I put God first he will add all things to my life and grant me the desires of my heart according to his perfect will. I believe that I will be loved in return. I believe that his grace is new every morning and I can take advantage of it. I believe that I no longer have to live in the past because my future looks so much better. I believe that I’m worthy of love and worth loving. I’m a believer. – FemaleFramexoxo

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

ORDER’S UP!

We’ve all either been that friend or experienced being out at a restaurant on a friday night and the waiter comes over asking if everyone’s ready to order and there’s usually one person who just can’t decide, “Can you come back in 5 minutes please, she’s not sure what she wants yet.”. Well I’ve definitely been the one to hold up the festivities due to to indecisiveness but when there’s so much on the menu what’s a girl to do.

But have you ever stopped to ask yourself what it is you want? Or better yet, What do I deserve? I’ll give you a second to ponder that…

To deserve – to have earned or to be given something because of the way you have behaved or the qualities you have.

For most people (including myself) this question can be hard to answer, trying to make a decision as to what are the most important characteristics you need in a potential partner/ friend and make a conscious decision to persue those things. Not just allowing things or people to float in and out of your life can be difficult because sometimes you look up and you’re surrounded by people and situations and you can’t even remember how you got there.

In this I’ve learnt that in order to attract what I want or even believe I need to review me first. Meaning:

  •  What kind of person am I?
  • What do I like?
  • What can I tolerate?
  • What’s a no no?
  • Am I portraying the same things I’m looking for?

If you can answer these questions honestly you will soon start to make decisions faster on who or what you want to share your time with and be in your space.

Always remember you are a precious gift to the world and you have something to offer don’t be out here giving yourself away for free, know what you want, stick to it and pursue those things and people.

Disclaimer: This does not by any means stop messy people from popping up from time to time but a solid foundation can always be built upon, meaning if you’re got some real friends/relationships in your life then you something to go back to, dust yourself off and start again. Oh and it won’t be easy either. Just saying but definitely worth it.

‘Heed the still small voice that so seldom leads us wrong, and never into folly.’
Marquise du Deffand

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Selfie Challenge

I know, I know there’s probably been about a million selfie challenges floating around but it can’t hurt to try another one right? Well this one’s pretty easy, I’ve listed the instructions below.

  1. Take your mobile device (This can be apple or android)
  2. Go to your settings
  3. Locate your wi-fi then proceed to switch this off
  4. Return to home screen
  5. Lock screen
  6. Place mobile device two arm lengths away from your person
  7. Walk away from phone and sit

7 steps, pretty simple right? I’m sure you’re thinking this doesn’t sound like any other selfie challenge you’ve heard of but before you get to step 3 (see above) check out the rest of this post and see if you still want to take part.

When was the last time you disconnected from social media or just being sociable in general? Now I’m not saying to stop going out and seeing your friends or meeting people, but have you considered that you may be too easily accessible? People take from you your time, energy, money, joy, piece of mind etc. Maybe it’s time to recharge and disconnect (literally) and evaluate.

I challenge you to go 30mins (If you think you can handle 1hr then go for it) without social media. Now you don’t have to go and sign out of your sometimes multiple accounts, all it takes is one simple step, Switch.Off.Your.Wi-Fi. That way you include whats app too (Let’s go cold turkey). After which you can do whatever you like, read, write in a journal, pray or just sit and enjoy a few minutes of uninterrupted selfie time. Learn to disengage with everything that’s going on around you and tune in with yourself not Sally or Joe on Snapchat or Instagram.

I find that as I get older, it’s so important to take time out to develop yourself and just give yourself a well needed time out. As a generation we are so in tune with everyone else and what they’re doing that we neglect ourselves, but remember once Sally and Joe sign out for the night we’re only left with ourselves and it would be nice to get to know that person before one day you look up and you don’t recognise the person staring back at you.

Still wanna take part? Let me know if you do.

‘Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakes.’
Carl Jung

‘What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.’
Hecato, Greek philosopher

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Run Forest! Run!

This is an impromptu post but I just wanted to get this on paper as it were.

Run! Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of what’s trying to steal your joy and your peace mind.

Listen we all can get consumed with trying to do this and talk to them that we don’t listen to ourselves to our bodies saying “I don’t think we can take another blow from this guy… He’s not good for us, please let’s leave him alone” or “come on let’s go do something to make us happy it doesn’t matter what they said we need to laugh today”.

I just wanted to encourage you to listen to yourself and put yourself first every now and then, in most cases you usually end up saying “I wish I listened to myself” anyway.
So to reiterate. Run Forest. RUN!

Much Love

Female Frame x

Getting my sexy!

Woooh there calm down luv! Sexy that’s a bit out there isn’t it? YES! YES it is and it’s about time we get it and own it ladies. I’ve been so aware of the fact that by wearing certain things I might come across as being too sexy too blah blah blah but I feel there is a certain level of power that you feel when you put on some heels, slip on that dress that hugs you in all the right places and set out. YES! I love it and you should too.

I often see other females strutting their stuff down oxford street and think to myself, one day! Soon hopefully that will be me in heels on strutting my stuff but alas heels and me don’t get on most days, love them don’t get me wrong just in small doses. As I’ve strived to achieve this level of “feeling myself-ness” ( as Beyonce would put it) I’ve come to realise that there is more that one way to feel sexy.

You can feel sexy by just wearing a pair of jeans which show off all your curves with a baggy top and some trainers you don’t have to go to the opposite end of the spectrum  wearing a fitted dress, heels, makeup to achieve the stereotypical image of what sexy looks like. Everyone is unique and what might work for you what might not for someone else. Try out different styles and see what works and looks good on you. One thing to note is that you probably won’t be completely comfortable at first but in time the more you embrace this side of yourself the more it will come naturally to you.

If you need help in the style or make-up department Youtube is always a place to start there are lots of cookbooks from various Youtubers of all shape, sizes and ethnicities who you can get inspiration from also Tumblr and Instagram are good places to look.

I hope this post encourages you to give your sexy self some time to shine remember you don’t have to push your boobs up to the sky or show everything you have to offer, experiment with fashion give yourself the gift of spending time on you and see where it goes. No fear.

Sexy isn’t just about what you’re wearing it’s a feeling. Believe you are the bees knees and be the bees knees. That’s all. (Drops mic)

Sidenote: You don’t need a man to feel or be sexy. Just do it. Be your own bae! (Too much?…NAHHH!)

“You can be the lead in your own life.”

– Kerry Washington

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Summer Body State of Mind

I know this may bit a bit early for this but the weather is warming up and I’m getting excited.

Are you in that summer body state of mind? Have to hit the gym twice maybe three times a week in the run up to the summer months? Don’t we all. I’m tired just thinking about it my local gym seems to be getting that little bit fuller,  granted I haven’t been as regularly as I should but I see I’m not the only one feeling the pressure.

Can I ask why this is? Why do we feel we need to look a certain way to achieve a level of bae-ness which will magically come about when we fit into that bikini or one piece (which ever you prefer) without our usual lumps and bumps, take some bomb pictures and live happily ever after. Now don’t get me wrong I’m all for fitness and striving for your best self as per my previous post but what’s so wrong with a little bit of extra on the side.

We don’t need to be a size 8-10 to have an amazing summer. We can wear that swimsuit and be fabulous, yes you may not be lumps and bump free but there are so many shapes, sizes and styles to fit all body types that you don’t have to feel like the odd one out but join the party and have that summer you’re always wanted. Create memories with loved ones and take those pictures that will be on rotation all the way through winter until summer comes upon us again.

I guess what I’m trying to say is enjoy every bit of you while you can, the good the bad and the lumpy. You may want your body to look a certain way and Im sure with hard work at the gym and so good food choices (which I’m still working on) will help you in that department but try and learn to be comfortable with who you are and what you look like, Tall, Skinny or with a little bit more loving around the sides.

Summer ’16 I hope you’re ready because we’re coming for ya! Turn UP!

“Everyone shines, given the right lighting.”

– Susan Cain

Much Love

FemaleFrame x