Faith Over Mind

I know it’s not the catchiest of titles but stick with me, I’m going somewhere.

So, Le struggle is still real ya’ll (shout out to my old post). I’m not sure how many of you have ever been in a place where you’re on fire, I mean fire a-lie fire, writing to do lists and ticking them off, slaying at work, being a supportive friend etc until suddenly you hit a wall, and this wall looks a lot like self doubt and anxiety merged with a bit of beating yourself up and to top it off there’s a mirror showing you the worst case scenario. Yes, that’s an impress wall because guess what, I built it!

As far as I can remember, I’ve batted back and forth between Faith and Mind constant worry and considering what others opinions MIGHT be has held me in a state of limbo. Those around me baffled, as to why I’ve suddenly stopped when the engine was on full blast and some were still strapped in ready to go on the ride with me.

To be honest, the answer to that is the plain truth of being comfortable in current surroundings and situations not wanting to push out into the unknown and try something new, assuming the role of God but still only able to guess what the possible outcome could be, don’t get me wrong the picture usually starts off rosy but then thorns start to invade the picture pricking away at the bold image that is an idea for an event, blog post, design etc.

Faith:
Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Faith:
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

The definition and scripture above have been an aide on the few occasions of stepping outside the box to dare to do something different “God’s got my back, I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (insert the arm flex emogi here) and for that event, design request etc I’ve push through (with the help of God, family and friends) but after the glow of those things I fall back to the same feelings of inadequacy.

If any of this has resonated with you then don’t feel as though you’re alone, because we all have moments of letting our minds out weigh the faith we have in God and ourselves for things to come to pass in the most beautiful and amazing, beyond what you can think or imagine kind of way but now that you are aware of your minds propensity to sway the wrong way I pray that your first instinct will be to cling to good, positive thoughts and ignore the latter. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

Much Love

FFx

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/faith
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+11&version=KJV
http://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/2017/christian-quotes/

Chasing Spaces

Have you ever met someone and automatically wanted to be their friend, or just be in their life in some capacity just off a vibe or talking to them for a short period of time? I definitely have and for that reason I’ve been able to add some incredible people to my life but unfortunately it doesn’t always go the way I thought it would or the intentions behind the friendship weren’t always mutually benefically.

I can positively put my hand up and say that I’ve pursued connections with people initially for what I thought they could add to my life or for the sake of appearance but this ultimately is a waste of time and unfair to you both essentially. I’ve been guilty of trying to get people to fill spaces that only God could/can fill and only sitting with myself and reviewing my life and actions has revealed this.

Chasing space fillers is a dangerous sport because sooner or later the person you thought would be there decides (which they have a right to do) to get up and leave and the connection you thought you had suddenly fades away and you’re left feeling rejected and empty because they’re not standing in the space to cover up the gaps in your life, the gap of loneliness, sadness, etc.

I’ve said all this to say maybe it’s time we re-evaluate our friendships/ connections in life and really look into the motives behind them.

Are you keeping Adam around because he’s one of the only eligible bachelors in your group so you’re hoping that by having him close to you he’ll one day look up and realise you are his long lost wife? Is he filling the space of loneliness?

Are you holding onto Joanne with both hands because she always listens to you and motivates you to be better? But what have you done for her lately to lift her up or show your appreciation? 

We all deserve people in our lives who are the real deal not just filling spaces to make us feel better and the quote unquote ‘fillers’ deserve genuine people who are interested in them as whole people not just the parts you see.

“Spend your time with those who love you unconditionally, not with those who only love you under certain conditions.”
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Sidenote: To all those who have been on the receiving end or resonate with being a ‘filler’ firstly, I’d like to thank you for all that you have sown into people’s lives to help them be better and think higher of themselves. My prayer for you is that God will align you with friends that will help reinforce your walls as you help them build theirs.

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Friendship Evolved

Hey ladies hope you’re all well and enjoying your year so far, I can’t believe we’re half way through it already, but thank God we’ve made it to this point.

Throughout this year (so far) I’ve been on a journey to trying to be a good/better friend. Now, that seems like an easy enough thing to do, show up for them, remember their birthday and be nice. Sounds simple enough right? No! So if you haven’t already been listening to his sermons (where have you been?) Pastor Mike Todd from Transformation Church alongside Pastor Charles Metcalf produced a series on friendship called Inner Circle (Click to watch) after which I realised I was lacking in certain areas and could always do better in others.

As a result of this I’ve attempted to be more:

1. Transparent – if they really are your friend then they already know that you haven’t got it all together or at least they should (insert emoji eyes) transparency invites openess and a greater level of trust I’d say.

2. Receptive to correction – (I know that time your friend called you out just popped into your mind). Proverbs 27:5-6 reads 5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. 

The key I’ve found to being able to receive correction from friends is remembering to check the heart behind what they’ve addressed, are they really trying to see you be better or just provoke a reaction out of you or bring you down. Proceeding this always try and make sure that you’re responding from a place of love. At the end of the day you can’t control other people’s actions but you can dictate your own.

3. Manage each others expectations – If I don’t know I can’t do. Actively asking your friends what it is they want/would like from you and how you can best meet that expectation

        i.e. Please call me more often Outcome – Scheduling in time if necessary to speak with them during the week, setting reminders if needed.

4. Checking In – Just because you think they’re okay doesn’t mean they are, if they come to mind reach out to them.

Are you okay? How did the interview go? You alright for money?

5. Accountability- Asking the tough questions and offering support

Did you finish that script? Did you speak to Sarah about how she made you feel? Go on the sooner you do it the sooner you can resolve the issue.

6. Love

7. Trust

I could go on but the moral of the story is, invest in good friendships and make sure they’re investing in you in return. Pray, grow and slay together in a healthy, encouraging and positive environment.

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

Much Love

FF x

Can We Talk?

Yes, I know we’ve barely settled into 2018 and it’s already time to have a talk but, I have to be honest…I feel threatened.

Threaten – Cause someone or something to be vulnerable or at risk

So, like I said I feel threatened, vulnerable, at risk even of being exposed, it’s so bright and shiny and big and all consuming, I think anyone would be.

She’s chasing her dreams, making it happen and it looks so much like what I want to do but have been too afraid to step into, so now when I do it everyone is going to think I copied her omg! Why does she have to be so great!

I think we’ve all felt a version of this at one point or another (maybe not as polite or politically correct as I’ve phrased it lol), feelings of insignificance or insecurity, seeing someone else shining doing what they know they were born to do, which so happens to be in the same area we are feeling led to go into. “How can I compete with her? She’s already got a 100k followers and I’m still here struggling to make my page look aesthetically pleasing like she does” or “She’s written like 5 songs in a week and I’m still here trying to string together a sentence!!” ORRRR “Why did he choose her I mean I’m cute too!”

How did I get here? and why do I feel this negatively about my fellow sister succeeding? I propose that it is an issue of comparison stealing your joy in what should (scratch that) in what is a happy moment, all because of that small voice inside that says “I should have done it first!”, “I would have done it differently” Well guess what you didn’t, so stop your hating and be happy for her, don’t you see her doing it up BIG, shining and slaying at the same time, be happy for her damn it! And back to that man envy statement I mention earlier we need to stop that too but happy for them that they’re both gonna shine together and make some shiny babies COME ON!!! We all need to check ourselves from time to time.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the negative that we don’t take time to uplift, celebrate and encourage each other as females. Just because she’s started her own business or gotten into a relationship doesn’t then discount you or me from entering the race, if anything she’s opened the door a little wider for us and she also showing us it’s possible to find a good man. I say this to say it’s all about perspective, choose to be the sister that puts a spotlight on the sun rather than trying to put it out.

Deep down a part of me was comfortable when we were both on the same level so to see you step out and do what I so badly want to do was a blow to my self esteem. I want us all to be big and bright and shiny together, striving to tap into that God given thing placed inside all of us to be able impact this world. I’m excited for you and this new chapter in your lives. Here’s to shiny ventures and new loves.

“Peter must have thought, “Who am I compared to Mr. Faithfulness (John)?” But Jesus clarified the issue. John was responsible for John. Peter was responsible for Peter. And each had only one command to heed: “Follow Me.” (John 21:20-22)”
― Charles R. Swindoll

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

2018! You looking good girl!! YASS!!!

Okay some maybe this post is a tiny bit late but I know you guys won’t mind.

WELCOME TO 2018 EVERYONE! Lol there I’ve said it.

So, I honestly feel like 2018 has so much in store for us, so many idea from 2017 that need to get some legs this year, so many relationship that need to come to an end or go to the next level this year ( whichever one just came to mind is definitely the one you need to be addressing as soon as possible) and so many opportunities we need to utilise.

This is just the beginning of the year, I can’t wait to see what we all accomplish this year.

Get it get it, hey hey.

“Most times, the way isn’t clear, but you want to start anyway. It is in starting with the first step that other steps become clearer.”
― Israelmore AyivorLeaders’ Frontpage: Leadership Insights from 21 Martin Luther King Jr. Thoughts

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Buy Me Flowers!

Yes! I want hearts, flowers and all the nice things I see people in relationships with like the hand holding, going to the movies, buying each other gifts. HEY! Buy Me Flowers!!!

That’s all well and good but have you ever thought to buy yourself a bouquet or just get dressed and going to see that film you’ve been waiting to see. Don’t wait for that elusive perfect partner to arrive stage right to make yourself feel special. How did I come to this realisation you ask? Well…

One day as I scrolled through Instagram (as you do) I came across a picture of a beautiful lady holding a bunch of flowers, so I tapped the image and read the caption. To paraphrase, in an attempt to try and make herself feel good she bought herself some flowers and loved the reality of waking up to the sight and smell of flowers made her feel. This then led me to think, ‘Why am I waiting for someone else to give me ‘hearts and flowers’ ? or whatever that maybe for you, I mean I have a job that pays me (it would be a shame if it didn’t lol) why can’t I make it happen for myself.

This is not to discredit those special moments within the context of a relationship but what if I never experience that should I miss out on my flowers?

So to end this post I challenge you to do something whether it’s getting dressed up and taking yourself out, buying your favourite flowers or just spending some quiet time alone, make sure you do something that will make YOU feel good about YOU!

“The challenge is not to be perfect…it’s to be whole.”

– Jane Fonda

Much Love

FemaleFrame x