Tag: nextup

What to Expect when Expecting

No. This is definitely not a pregnancy announcement as I’m sure the title might have eluded too but rather a look into some of the pit falls we may come across when it comes to un managed expectations.

Expect

Regard (someone) as likely to do or be something.

The older I get, the more self aware I feel I have become and I’m sure most of us would agree. We have crafted specific expectations that we’ve placed on God and individuals sometimes unbeknown to them (guilty party here) assuming that you are on the same page and even heading in the same direction.

I believe that through shared experiences we start to create, I wouldn’t say un-realist expectations because our expectations can in fact be quite reasonable and others may also share in your assumptions of how the story is supposed to go but the spanner that always gets in the mix occurs when communication is poor/non existent and the other individual falls victim to being the source of that unmet expectation.

Expectation vs reality can sometimes be hard to wrap our heads around as we can spend some much time building hopes and dreams around what we believed our expected reality would be that the reality of a thing can be a wrecking ball to the one we built on assumptions and unspoken needs and wants.

Expectation

A strong belief that something will happen or be the case.

Have I been knocked down? Yes, you darn skippy I have and several times at that however, in this life I’ve come to the understanding that sometimes we need those moments to throw us off the fictional path we’ve paved for ourselves and get us back on track with the tools we gathered from those sometimes hurtful experiences.

I’ve been in situations where I expected to be ‘chosen’ but soon realised I wasn’t even an option (harsh but true statement, wake up and smell the house burning around you sis, let it/them go). In life, I believe it is important to know where you are and where you stand and to let your voice be heard (your yes or no) and your presence felt (good or bad, please be good) don’t let desperation speak for you potentially putting you in compromising positions.

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

― Bruce Lee

In conclusion, have those hard or awkward conversations in an effort to be better communicators and avoid those pit falls of unmet/unmanaged expectations. Send a text, type it/write it out and read it if you have to but let’s be honest about what we want, who we want and how we want them to show up in our lives.

Much Love

FF x

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/expectations

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Faith Over Mind

I know it’s not the catchiest of titles but stick with me, I’m going somewhere.

So, Le struggle is still real ya’ll (shout out to my old post). I’m not sure how many of you have ever been in a place where you’re on fire, I mean fire a-lie fire, writing to do lists and ticking them off, slaying at work, being a supportive friend etc until suddenly you hit a wall, and this wall looks a lot like self doubt and anxiety merged with a bit of beating yourself up and to top it off there’s a mirror showing you the worst case scenario. Yes, that’s an impress wall because guess what, I built it!

As far as I can remember, I’ve batted back and forth between Faith and Mind constant worry and considering what others opinions MIGHT be has held me in a state of limbo. Those around me baffled, as to why I’ve suddenly stopped when the engine was on full blast and some were still strapped in ready to go on the ride with me.

To be honest, the answer to that is the plain truth of being comfortable in current surroundings and situations not wanting to push out into the unknown and try something new, assuming the role of God but still only able to guess what the possible outcome could be, don’t get me wrong the picture usually starts off rosy but then thorns start to invade the picture pricking away at the bold image that is an idea for an event, blog post, design etc.

Faith:
Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Faith:
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

The definition and scripture above have been an aide on the few occasions of stepping outside the box to dare to do something different “God’s got my back, I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (insert the arm flex emogi here) and for that event, design request etc I’ve push through (with the help of God, family and friends) but after the glow of those things I fall back to the same feelings of inadequacy.

If any of this has resonated with you then don’t feel as though you’re alone, because we all have moments of letting our minds out weigh the faith we have in God and ourselves for things to come to pass in the most beautiful and amazing, beyond what you can think or imagine kind of way but now that you are aware of your minds propensity to sway the wrong way I pray that your first instinct will be to cling to good, positive thoughts and ignore the latter. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

Much Love

FFx

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/faith
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+11&version=KJV
http://www.planetofsuccess.com/blog/2017/christian-quotes/

2019?

Happy New Year? I’m always late with this but I hope you accepted my brief greeting in my previous post on the 31st January (I know at least it was still January right?).

I always find this time of year to be filled with inspirational quotes like “You can do it!”, “New Year, New Me!” and initiatives promising to help you start that illusive task that seems to always get pushed to the back as a result of one thing or another. Don’t get me wrong this is all great and very encouraging indeed, especially when it feels as though there is an entire community rooting for you, but what happens when you have all the best intentions to attack 2019 and start that business, learn that new skill etc but old habits and ways of thinking still hold you down.

Tired from the same job and circumstances from 2018 which seem to be holding onto your coat tails causing resistance in your pursuit of the new. And lest we forget our ex that keeps creeping in called fear that seems to enjoy shutting down our ideas and dreams before they even get a chance.

For those like me who may have gotten a late start at catching that new year feeling, I hope this post encourages you, that you are not odd or alone and to start by taking one step, maybe it’s editing your CV to then start applying for that new job or it could be setting aside some quiet time to finally write down a list of things you’d like to accomplish this year (side note, this list should not include things that will impress Sally or Jack at work it should be an honest reflection of things you care about or have an interest in like learning to knit maybe, who knows, take a minute to write your own list).

I’d suggest setting yourself 1-3 tasks a day to accomplish it could be big or small just get in the habit of setting out a plan and sticking to it. It’s the best feeling being able to cross something off your list.

But prior to all this planning and list writing I’d encourage you to seek God for his plan and wait for his response. There’s no point running with a plan of your own only to find that you’ve been going in circles.

Lord thank you for allowing me to see 2019. I’m grateful for your grace and mercy that has kept me throughout 2018. I’m a bit confused as to the direction I need to take in 2019, I pray that you will show me the way, where to go, what to do and how to do it. Show me in a way so I know it’s you. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer. Amen

“Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.”

Meister Eckhart

Much Love FFx

Chasing Spaces

Have you ever met someone and automatically wanted to be their friend, or just be in their life in some capacity just off a vibe or talking to them for a short period of time? I definitely have and for that reason I’ve been able to add some incredible people to my life but unfortunately it doesn’t always go the way I thought it would or the intentions behind the friendship weren’t always mutually benefically.

I can positively put my hand up and say that I’ve pursued connections with people initially for what I thought they could add to my life or for the sake of appearance but this ultimately is a waste of time and unfair to you both essentially. I’ve been guilty of trying to get people to fill spaces that only God could/can fill and only sitting with myself and reviewing my life and actions has revealed this.

Chasing space fillers is a dangerous sport because sooner or later the person you thought would be there decides (which they have a right to do) to get up and leave and the connection you thought you had suddenly fades away and you’re left feeling rejected and empty because they’re not standing in the space to cover up the gaps in your life, the gap of loneliness, sadness, etc.

I’ve said all this to say maybe it’s time we re-evaluate our friendships/ connections in life and really look into the motives behind them.

Are you keeping Adam around because he’s one of the only eligible bachelors in your group so you’re hoping that by having him close to you he’ll one day look up and realise you are his long lost wife? Is he filling the space of loneliness?

Are you holding onto Joanne with both hands because she always listens to you and motivates you to be better? But what have you done for her lately to lift her up or show your appreciation? 

We all deserve people in our lives who are the real deal not just filling spaces to make us feel better and the quote unquote ‘fillers’ deserve genuine people who are interested in them as whole people not just the parts you see.

“Spend your time with those who love you unconditionally, not with those who only love you under certain conditions.”
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Sidenote: To all those who have been on the receiving end or resonate with being a ‘filler’ firstly, I’d like to thank you for all that you have sown into people’s lives to help them be better and think higher of themselves. My prayer for you is that God will align you with friends that will help reinforce your walls as you help them build theirs.

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Thinking Out Loud

Me, myself and I make up one great me. I’m beginning to learn this the more time I spend being on my own.

Recently I’ve become more aware of my tendencies to want to shut the world out and just be alone and upon reflection I’ve been this way inclined for quite a few years. Lately the act of stepping out or rather stepping away and actually retreating from the crowd (friendship groups, family) can be quite daunting especially when you feel the unconscious pull to be and stay with the crowd or they might think something is wrong (thanks for checking though), having to entertain awkward conversations when the introvert inside is cringing. Sometimes I just want to be on my own, is that so bad, to take a minute to chill and process my ever evolving thoughts.

I’ve never been in the position where I don’t like being in my own company because when I wake up I’m me and when I go to sleep I’m still me, no one will ever spend as much time with me as I do (I hope you followed that lol). If you do find yourself in the position where you feel awkward or antsy being alone I’d suggest taking small concerted efforts to  practice moments of alone time whether you’re reading, meditating on the word, praying or just sitting and processing one part of your life at a time (don’t try and tackle everything all at once, trust me) just give it a go. Left to my own devises, I could easily eat a bowl of cereal, find a comfy spot and read happily for hours.

If you feel as though you are just an anti social, introvert and you’re to the point where it is hurting your relationships then maybe it’s time to start looking into some tips or steps on how to overcome this or maybe open up to your friends/ family just to let them know you might find it a bit difficult so they don’t feel as if you’re ignoring them or that you don’t care. If people know how to help then they will (hopefully).

In conclusion, I like my alone time, I also like to be around people. When I go off on my own 8/10 I’m just in full introvert mode lol and loving it.

“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.”

Ellen Burstyn

Disclaimer 1: It’s not that I don’t want to be around you or enjoy my time with you I just enjoy being on my own from time to time or prefer smaller groups of people.

Disclaimer 2: Sometimes this can go too far and I have to make special efforts to be social and I am aware of this. If I message you or make plans to hang out with you, feel the love. If not then you’re pending don’t feel no way.

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

If I could go back I’d say.

As I get older, I tend to reflect on some of my younger days and they flicker between good and not so good memories depending on the day but one I’ve often come back too is the idea of wanting to self harm.

I had a friend in school who had a lot of issues in their personal life and the idea of self harming came up and I began to consider it myself, mind you at that point in my life I hadn’t experienced anything that would make me want to do something like that (not that self harming is an answer to whatever situation we may be going through, if you need help don’t be afraid to ask for it) let alone go through with it but at a young age, in a history lesson as we spoke, the seed was planted.

I bring up this story just to say you never know what thoughts can suddenly take root in your mind and you look up years later wondering how did that get there. It is important to be careful about the people you allow in your space and the type of language they use around you, the words they speak over you are very important (life and death are in the power of the tongue), the older I get the pickier I am about who I spend my time with and how long I spend in their presence because I realised that the more time I spent around negative people the more negatively I began to think and look at things, before you know it I’ve become someone else simply by opening yourself up to the wrong company.

In some situations i.e. work, school it can be hard to separate yourself from individuals who tend to always bring the mood down or suggest negative solutions don’t get me wrong it can be good to have a little moan with colleagues, classmate and friends when things have gone a rye but in that I would encourage you to also be the light you want to see, speak positivity in the face of negative situations, don’t part take in conversation that will only bring you down. If after some self examination you find you are the one always bringing the tone down and never have a nice word to say, I would challenge you today to start speaking positively over yourself and over everything around you from today and watch your mindset.

If I could go back, I would have shifted the conversation and encourage my friend to seek the help they needed or at least speak about how they were feeling but I pray that they are in a better space today surrounded by love, joy and peace. I pray this for you too as you read this that you will be the change you want to see in every area of your life.

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
Norman Vincent Peale

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” 
Maya Angelou

Much Love

FemaleFrame x

Authenticated

Normally I’d dive right in but today I going to start off with a quote from an interview I watched via Youtube on the As/Is channel.

“At the end of the day I’m living with me, 24hrs a day, 7 days a week and I have to be happy with me” Jazzmyne

What You Don’t Know About Jazzmyne

In my last few posts I’d say the overarching theme has been the betterment of one’s self either via friendships, relationships in general or letting go of our (sometimes) innate people pleasing mentality in an effort to go, do and be great. Simply put lol.

I believe you cannot achieve true meaningful successor greatness by being less than 100% authentic to yourself and your beliefs. Those awards you’ve just accepted might as well read Becky Thomson rather than (insert own name here) if all the hard work you’ve put in to be ‘recognised’ backfires and you’re stuck living your life striving to live up to this imaginary persona you’ve invited everyone to believe is you.

Authentic – of undisputed origin and not a copy; genuine.

Being authentic to me means letting people see the real you, good, bad, ugly and in-between and not circuming to the pressure of conforming and ultimately making yourself uncomfortable to fit the box you were never meant to be in.

Did you know that when you were born you (yes you person reading this post, HI!) automatically qualified to be the only you in the entire world, isn’t that something. Take a moment and embrace that.

You might be a twin, quadruplet, quintuplet etc but even within that God created you specifically to impact the world in your own unique way. Just picture it this way, I can only get to where I’m supposed to be by being me, improving where I can, learning all I can and shining like the star that I am.

Short and sweet today but I hope this hits home for someone.

Much Love

FFx

Desiring Man

Lately I’ve been struggling with the concept of man’s approval vs God’s approval, I know what you’re thinking, GOD’S WAY OR THE HIGHWAY MY FRIEND! (side note: I agree lol) but I have to admit it’s not as easy as that. Let me explain…

Growing up seeking approval was a constant thing, ‘Did I do good?’, ‘Does this look good?’, ‘Do you like me?’ as humans we’ve been conditioned to look for validation and to get it wherever and whenever we can. I’ve found this can sometimes have a crippling effect on myself and others, not wanting to do or say anything in the fear that we won’t receive the accolades we’ve been striving for when in reality you deserve all the accolades…yes, you do.

The innate desire we have to please can eclipse our desire to please God and do what he’s called us to do. As a result of the constant battle between trying to make your partner, friend, boss or relative happy (which you can never really do because only you are responsible for your own happiness. Make a decision today to make yourself happy first) or comfortable because we’ve done what they wanted for a temporary hand clap or cheer at the expense of doing whatever it is that God has planted in us to do and making him happy.

I also considered the word desire and that connotes a state of being wanted and or accepted which are valid emotions to have but not at the expense of your self worth being exploited or putting yourself in compromising positions in pursuit of temporary gratification or having that feeling validated, trust me it never ends well.

I’ve said all that to say, pursue God and his desires for your life which are good and not evil, he genuinely wants you to prosper and live well rather than living for your next hand clap or ‘like’. It’s time to go, do and be great, letting go of the weigh of ‘Will they get it?’,’Will they come?’ etc the people who are meant to get it will and they’ll support because you finally stepped out and did what they’ve been waiting for someone to do with or without the accolades, validation, acceptance etc…just do it.

“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.”
― Mohadesa Najumi

Much Love

FF x

Friendship Evolved

Hey ladies hope you’re all well and enjoying your year so far, I can’t believe we’re half way through it already, but thank God we’ve made it to this point.

Throughout this year (so far) I’ve been on a journey to trying to be a good/better friend. Now, that seems like an easy enough thing to do, show up for them, remember their birthday and be nice. Sounds simple enough right? No! So if you haven’t already been listening to his sermons (where have you been?) Pastor Mike Todd from Transformation Church alongside Pastor Charles Metcalf produced a series on friendship called Inner Circle (Click to watch) after which I realised I was lacking in certain areas and could always do better in others.

As a result of this I’ve attempted to be more:

1. Transparent – if they really are your friend then they already know that you haven’t got it all together or at least they should (insert emoji eyes) transparency invites openess and a greater level of trust I’d say.

2. Receptive to correction – (I know that time your friend called you out just popped into your mind). Proverbs 27:5-6 reads 5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. 

The key I’ve found to being able to receive correction from friends is remembering to check the heart behind what they’ve addressed, are they really trying to see you be better or just provoke a reaction out of you or bring you down. Proceeding this always try and make sure that you’re responding from a place of love. At the end of the day you can’t control other people’s actions but you can dictate your own.

3. Manage each others expectations – If I don’t know I can’t do. Actively asking your friends what it is they want/would like from you and how you can best meet that expectation

        i.e. Please call me more often Outcome – Scheduling in time if necessary to speak with them during the week, setting reminders if needed.

4. Checking In – Just because you think they’re okay doesn’t mean they are, if they come to mind reach out to them.

Are you okay? How did the interview go? You alright for money?

5. Accountability- Asking the tough questions and offering support

Did you finish that script? Did you speak to Sarah about how she made you feel? Go on the sooner you do it the sooner you can resolve the issue.

6. Love

7. Trust

I could go on but the moral of the story is, invest in good friendships and make sure they’re investing in you in return. Pray, grow and slay together in a healthy, encouraging and positive environment.

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

Much Love

FF x